Saturday, November 21, 2009

Oh brother...!

My good friend Ashish (Boozy) has been lamenting about his status amongst girls as a "brother"....he has in fact let the tears flow quite freely on his blog.  Now this is a situation that many many guys would find quite familiar, probably bringing to the surface some long smothered memory of a dream crushed by an untimely rakhi... 

Females.  This is nothing but another weapon in their hands to control us.  They have boobs!  I mean, isn't that enough?  What do we counter that with?  A beer belly?  Talk about fighting fair...grrrr.....

Having said that (and i dont lose any chance to say female bashing stuff - what else can a middle aged short fat chap do for kicks eh?) i do feel Ashish is missing the woods for the trees.  He is grabbing the wrong end of the tissue roll.  I mean, how can he fail to see that this 'situation' is in fact pregnant with wonderous possibilities.  Allow me to elaborate...

My first girl friend used to think i was pure brother material...and then we dated for a couple of years.  My second girlfriend used to think i was pure brother material...and then i dated her for 3.5 years...and after that i've been married to her for 5 years.  I could rest my case here, but would like to drive home the point by way of a theory that can best be explained in 2 parts:

1. Girls are really fond of their fathers and brothers; and they can be quite bitchy about their mothers and sisters.  Hence it is a good beginning to be called brother material.  It gets even better when you can move up to father material, because then you can
(a) actually say stuff like, "who's your daddy??" when doing interesting stuff, and then
(b) become a daddy

2.  When a girl calls you 'brother material', it is her way of telling you that she likes you, she is comfortable with you and thinks you are special.  And yet there is no way she's gonna admit to herself that she has actually managed to miss out on all the studs and fall  Here's how her mind works: "HIM???  What the hell, no way!  Then why do i feel so nice when i'm with him?  Oh yes!  He's my brother!!!".

This is the time for you to strike and make hay brother, for the iron is hot and the sun is shining! 

So if you are in a situation where a girl is having long, meaningful conversations with you, there is an exchange of witty, sarcastic banter and healthy insults, an interest in each others life, and a warm feeling in the heart and other regions upon seeing each other, it is probable that this situation will quickly end in 2 ways: 1st - "Strip!  Now!!, or 2nd - "you are like a brother to me".  Remember, that you can change your destiny from the 2nd to the 1st.

Anybody who felt hurt because of any of the above (the same ones who take mc / bc seriously), chew on this:
All of us in this country have grown up saying "all Indians are my brothers and sisters" every morning, and yet we have the 2nd largest population in the world.


Anonymous said...

It's great you mentioned my name. Now everyone knows, you ****

Great post.

It ain't tears, it's just a... let me call it a grievance.

Thanks for trying to make me feel better though.

Again, like I've saying for years, you are the luckiest SOB I've known.

On another note, the 'who's your daddy?' bit is a bit disturbing.

Remember, you are a daddy now.

Think about it. Or rather, picture this... Your kid is a bit older. You're fooling around with the Mrs., and in the middle of the excitement, you yell out the line. And the reply is not from your wife. "It's you, daddy!".

I hope I've not ruined anything for you.

quasibaba said...

:) well said brother. (err... hez my real brother, btw, so dont read too much into that)

I would say a lot on this issue, but it might take us on dangerous grounds .. :P

Archana Rao said...

"who's your daddy" is super funny!!!!

I hope the lil one grow up and ask you guys this.... though i would say please give her that oppurtunity!!!!!

Vikas Bansi said...

Wow, great post... now thats a real SHORT cut to a girl's heart dude....

Nice stuff man,

Pawan Arora said...

Scary thought came to my mind. I was imagining my daughter calling some
one brother ( I would kill that guy if he is short and fat ).

Vivek Rao said...

Boozy you bastard! :-) Anyways, your wonderful imagination just screwed up one little bit... If my kid is a bit older, she's not gonna be in the same room when i'm fooling around with the Mrs. She'll be safely asleep with her grand parents.

And about the 'luckiest SOB' bit, we're all lucky and unlucky at the same time. Just about different things, thats all. Its all a matter of perspective.

Q - dangerous grounds are welcome bro! As long the dont involve your fantasies about me...

Chan, you BIH! i'll wait till you have kids and then we'll talk. Btw, you keep saying you have some news; is that it???

Bansi, kutte, welcome! Finally you found time to post a comment! Not that i was running SHORT of time or anything! :-)

Pawan / Toinng, dont pretend you have anything against short fat guys. I know you really love me!

Anonymous said...

Unapologetic endorsement of incest…what could be more kinky? You could make OSHO your disciple...Mahatab

Vivek Rao said...


I would be over the moon even if he just gave me entry to the 'nice' parts of his ashram!

Savitha said...

heeheehee....nice one...and oh BTW there is one more thought process...
it goes like this:
"HIM??? What the hell, no way, he's younger than me...i should not be feeling so nice when i'm with him! Oh yes! He's my brother!!!".

Unmesh said...

I bet bet all those who read it, enjoyed it.
I also hope that all of them don't take the post seriously and try to inculcate some of this....:P