The perfect girlfriend

Read another funny article in Times of India: Perfect girlfriend has a big sex drive!

Not very insightful, i thought at first.  Dont we all know that already?  In fact guys are like dogs in that matter.  Women need the right ambiance, mood and reason to have sex.  Men just need a partner, and then they are ready to go.  Anytime.  Any place.

But reading further i was really amused by the kind of things listed by the 3000 bachelors who were polled for the study. There are a lot of interesting contraditions like
- thin, but able to eat a big meal
- career minded, but should want to stay at home and raise kids
etc.  But the funniest thing is this whole study itself is a contradiction to how men are.

Women get really pissed upon reading stuff like this, but they should understand that men just fantasize about this kinda shit.  Usually they are more than willing to settle for anything female that puts out, but doesn't bark, neigh or moo.

(Women are really really choosy about their mates, but many of them often end up with such amazing samples amongst us males, that they end up wishing for something that could bark, neigh or moo.  C'est la vie...)

Coming back to the article, I dont agree with some of the polled results:
- ability to eat a big meal (guys, how does that matter?)
- be ready to go out in ten mins (let her take her time, she's decking up for you, and you get some quality tv time while waiting)
- long hair (have you ever read any story in playboy/penthouse focussing solely on the long hair???)
- pert bottom (shouldn't that be expanded to "well endowed, good figure")

Yeah, there is some good shit there too, but thats all okay for flings.  I usually advise more caution while marrying.  Thats long term committment.  I would look for additional stuff like:
- an awesome inheritance
- 3 slutty sisters (you'd ask why only 3, but i just dont wanna be greedy)
- super deep sleep (she shouldn't wake up even if i was jumping around in bed beside her, with/without someone)
- an absolutely innocent and trusting mind
- speciality in massage therapy
- interest in bedtime experimentation (sometimes even inviting one of the slutty sisters)
- cocktail mixing and chakna making skills

There, you have the recipe for a good, long lasting marriage.

9 more signs your partner wants a break up

I came across this article 5 signs your partner wants a break up and thought hey, this list could be endless!  So i sat and came up with these 9 signs for women that their boyfriend wants to breakup.  Please note that i've never had any boyfriends, nor have they ever broken off with me.

So ladies, you might get the hint that your boyfriend wants a break up when:


1. You wear a skimpy sexy outfit for him and he wants to play count the stretch marks

2. He spends an hour in the loo with his laptop and a hand cream, comes out with a satisfied smile on his face, and promptly goes off to sleep

3. He talks in graphic detail about the most satisfactory dump he just had....in the middle of you seducing him

4. He takes you to bangkok for a business trip, plonks you in a hotel, disappears everyday and returns exhausted, smelling of different massage oils and soaps

5. You cuddle up and ask him what future he sees for them, and he immediately launches into a detailed analysis of The Terminator and The Matrix series

6. When you hint that you are ovulating, he promptly rents movies like The Omen, Problem Child, The Bad Seed, Kids, Carrie and The Other

Its definitely over when:

7. While on a vacation, he calls for room service and lovingly pats the male waiters rear while giving him a tip, muttering something like "hmmm...juicy!"

But you know you are in serious trouble when:

8. He tries to convince you into going deep sea diving with him, despite knowing that you cant swim, saying forty feet of water never hurt anyone

or

9. When he plans an ocean cruise with you and the next day you find a little black doll with your name written on it submerged in a jar of water hidden deep inside his closet

I'm sure you guys can contribute many more!
:-)

Oh brother...!

My good friend Ashish (Boozy) has been lamenting about his status amongst girls as a "brother"....he has in fact let the tears flow quite freely on his blog.  Now this is a situation that many many guys would find quite familiar, probably bringing to the surface some long smothered memory of a dream crushed by an untimely rakhi... 

Females.  This is nothing but another weapon in their hands to control us.  They have boobs!  I mean, isn't that enough?  What do we counter that with?  A beer belly?  Talk about fighting fair...grrrr.....

Having said that (and i dont lose any chance to say female bashing stuff - what else can a middle aged short fat chap do for kicks eh?) i do feel Ashish is missing the woods for the trees.  He is grabbing the wrong end of the tissue roll.  I mean, how can he fail to see that this 'situation' is in fact pregnant with wonderous possibilities.  Allow me to elaborate...

My first girl friend used to think i was pure brother material...and then we dated for a couple of years.  My second girlfriend used to think i was pure brother material...and then i dated her for 3.5 years...and after that i've been married to her for 5 years.  I could rest my case here, but would like to drive home the point by way of a theory that can best be explained in 2 parts:

1. Girls are really fond of their fathers and brothers; and they can be quite bitchy about their mothers and sisters.  Hence it is a good beginning to be called brother material.  It gets even better when you can move up to father material, because then you can
(a) actually say stuff like, "who's your daddy??" when doing interesting stuff, and then
(b) become a daddy


2.  When a girl calls you 'brother material', it is her way of telling you that she likes you, she is comfortable with you and thinks you are special.  And yet there is no way she's gonna admit to herself that she has actually managed to miss out on all the studs and fall for...well...you.  Here's how her mind works: "HIM???  What the hell, no way!  Then why do i feel so nice when i'm with him?  Oh yes!  He's my brother!!!".


This is the time for you to strike and make hay brother, for the iron is hot and the sun is shining! 


So if you are in a situation where a girl is having long, meaningful conversations with you, there is an exchange of witty, sarcastic banter and healthy insults, an interest in each others life, and a warm feeling in the heart and other regions upon seeing each other, it is probable that this situation will quickly end in 2 ways: 1st - "Strip!  Now!!, or 2nd - "you are like a brother to me".  Remember, that you can change your destiny from the 2nd to the 1st.


Anybody who felt hurt because of any of the above (the same ones who take mc / bc seriously), chew on this:
All of us in this country have grown up saying "all Indians are my brothers and sisters" every morning, and yet we have the 2nd largest population in the world.