Sunday, November 29, 2009

White house gate-crash

It gave me a lot of pleasure to read about the couple who gate-crashed the state dinner for our dear PM at the White House last week.  I cant help admiring the balls these two had to actually breeze through the layers of 'security' and mingle with biggies like the US Vice-P and the White House Chief of Staff.  The US security chiefs are repeatedly stating that Obama was not in danger at any time, but any of these two could have stuck a fork down his throat if they wanted to.

I am so tired of the millions of hollywood movies that portray all types of US security forces (CIA, FBI, Secret Service, Marines and whatnot) as the super-efficient and uber-cool tough men in designer suits and shades, running around, saving the world.  The superiority complex is of gigantic proportions.

But now the Salahi's have dented that image in such a nice way!  I was laughing all the time i read the news on different sites.  The Secret Service, responsible for protecting the US Prez, must be going bonkers, having urgent delta level secret meetings somehow trying to tide over this embarrassment.  hahaha

Can imagine some smart-ass senior giving a smart-ass speech: "Officers, we have had a security breach level 21.  Code RG054 (thats Roger-Gamma-Zero-Five-Four) has been violated.  Deploy 80 sections of our top commando's to further secure the White House perimeter.  Get all top agents to drop all cases and focus on the Salahi's.  We must establish their links with the Al Qaeda or the Hizbul.  America cannot be compromised.  This is the day we have been trained for.  We cannot let the world think that America can be breached or can be made fun of.  Gentlemen, we will prevail."   Loohoosers!!!!!

:-)    :-)    :-)

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Oh brother...!

My good friend Ashish (Boozy) has been lamenting about his status amongst girls as a "brother"....he has in fact let the tears flow quite freely on his blog.  Now this is a situation that many many guys would find quite familiar, probably bringing to the surface some long smothered memory of a dream crushed by an untimely rakhi... 

Females.  This is nothing but another weapon in their hands to control us.  They have boobs!  I mean, isn't that enough?  What do we counter that with?  A beer belly?  Talk about fighting fair...grrrr.....

Having said that (and i dont lose any chance to say female bashing stuff - what else can a middle aged short fat chap do for kicks eh?) i do feel Ashish is missing the woods for the trees.  He is grabbing the wrong end of the tissue roll.  I mean, how can he fail to see that this 'situation' is in fact pregnant with wonderous possibilities.  Allow me to elaborate...

My first girl friend used to think i was pure brother material...and then we dated for a couple of years.  My second girlfriend used to think i was pure brother material...and then i dated her for 3.5 years...and after that i've been married to her for 5 years.  I could rest my case here, but would like to drive home the point by way of a theory that can best be explained in 2 parts:

1. Girls are really fond of their fathers and brothers; and they can be quite bitchy about their mothers and sisters.  Hence it is a good beginning to be called brother material.  It gets even better when you can move up to father material, because then you can
(a) actually say stuff like, "who's your daddy??" when doing interesting stuff, and then
(b) become a daddy

2.  When a girl calls you 'brother material', it is her way of telling you that she likes you, she is comfortable with you and thinks you are special.  And yet there is no way she's gonna admit to herself that she has actually managed to miss out on all the studs and fall  Here's how her mind works: "HIM???  What the hell, no way!  Then why do i feel so nice when i'm with him?  Oh yes!  He's my brother!!!".

This is the time for you to strike and make hay brother, for the iron is hot and the sun is shining! 

So if you are in a situation where a girl is having long, meaningful conversations with you, there is an exchange of witty, sarcastic banter and healthy insults, an interest in each others life, and a warm feeling in the heart and other regions upon seeing each other, it is probable that this situation will quickly end in 2 ways: 1st - "Strip!  Now!!, or 2nd - "you are like a brother to me".  Remember, that you can change your destiny from the 2nd to the 1st.

Anybody who felt hurt because of any of the above (the same ones who take mc / bc seriously), chew on this:
All of us in this country have grown up saying "all Indians are my brothers and sisters" every morning, and yet we have the 2nd largest population in the world.

Monday, November 09, 2009

Michael Jackson - This is it...

I was a huge Michael Jackson fan in school.  I was crazy about everything he did: his songs, his dancing, his videos, everything.  I remember coming back from school every afternoon and playing Beat It 4 or 5 times and dancing around the room like an idiot.  My mom used to almost roll on the floor laughing!  I knew so many of his songs by heart.  I couldn't understand many of the words then, and since that was the pre-google era, i used to make up non-sensical words trying to make them sound similar to what he was singing.

Over the years as my music taste evolved (i moved on to stuff like Eagles, GnR, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, REM, Cold Play, etc) and as his career graph plunged, i lost touch with his music.  But every now and then whenever i chanced upon his songs i would listen with glee.

I saw This Is It in pune.  As i feared, less than 5% of the cinema hall was occupied, and that too mostly by middle-aged firangs.  I ensured that i sat in the middled of a large unoccupied space, not wanting any stupid noisy non-fans spoiling my experience by rustling plastic bags or jabbering away on their mobile phones.

I was blown away.  This documentary is basically created from bits and pieces out of hundreds of hours of footage during the rehearsals of his come back tour This Is It.  50 shows, to be performed in London, had been sold out.  Had those shows happened, they would have been absolutely MJ style; larger than life.  Unfortunately he passed away weeks before the first scheduled concert.  He and his crew had been working on the concept and execution for more than 4 years...

MJ became a star at the age of 6 as the lead singer of the Jackson 5.  His solo albums Off the Wall, Thriller, Bad, Dangerous and History were all best sellers.  Thriller remains the best selling album of all time, spending 37 weeks at the top of the US Billboard chart, and selling 110 Million copies (the 2nd best sold 49 Million copies), easily beating other greats like Pink Floyd, AD/DC, Meat Loaf, Eagles, Bee Gees, Guns n roses, Dire Straits, Led Zeppelin and The Beatles.  He won 13 Grammy awards (7th highest ever) and 22 American Music Awards, gave the world 17 No.1 singles, and achieved estimated sales in excess of 500 Million copies (different sources peg these anywhere between 200-750 million).

He changed the whole concept of music videos, delighting fans with terrific videos like Thriller, Beat it, Billie Jean, Smooth Criminal, Bad, Black or White, Remember the Time, Earth Song, and many more...

From the mid-80's onwards his skin colour and facial structure started changing, leading to rumours of numerous skin surgeries, reconstruction, and bleaching.  It was said that he was suffering from a severe psychological disorder called 'body dysmorphic disorder' causing obsessive dissatisfaction regarding his appearance.  There were reports that his nose had once fallen off.  Some attributed these problems to an abused childhood (he publicly admitted on Oprah's show that his father Joseph used to regularly beat him up as a child).  Then came the child sexual abuse allegations.  People were quick to label him a freak, and he gradually regressed into solitude, for many years making news only for the various controversies surrounding him. 

This Is It was the return he planned.  Despite the years of absence and deteriorating health, he remained an awesomely talented musician and singer.  And this documentary also shows the perfectionist that he was.  His selection of dancers, stage props, moves, lights, visual effects, sound effects, etc, were all fine tuned to the smallest detail.  And unlike many popular musicians, he had an amazing control on his music, hearing and correcting even a single stray note played by any musician around him. 

Though it is immediately noticeable that he wasn't dancing as much (supposedly weakened by years of addiction to painkillers and valium), his trademark moves were as smooth.  His lead guitarist, the blonde Orianthi Panagaris, was simply amazing.  I was screaming along all the songs i could remember, not giving a shit about whether other people could hear me or not.  How i wish atleast one of these shows had happened...

MJ remained a crowd puller till the end.  There is endless footage of fans screaming, weeping, fainting during his performances.  There is no doubt that there would have been similar frenzy had these last tours happened.  I just hope that now that he is gone, people slowly forget the controversies, and remember him for his music.  The one and only King of Pop.