On health and stress....

I went through a lot of bad shit, health wise, from Sept to Nov 2007. Was hospitalized 4 times in these 3 months, with extremely weird symptoms which scared the shit out of me and my family. Doctors couldn't figure out what it was, and hence they poked and probed most parts of my body and put me through a host of exotic tests, and they still couldn't figure it out. As specialists discussed and debated every new possibility that was thrown up, stuff like vit b12 deficiency, heart trouble, pulmonary embolism, neurological disorder etc, I couldn't help thinking what kind of future lay ahead for me, or whether there was gonna be a lengthy future at all..!

By Gods grace I pulled out of all that unharmed. When I was down I kept thinking about how I had abused my body with junk food and a pathetic lifestyle, and how I will turn a new leaf, so to say, when I recover. Turns out, its been almost one and a half years since, and I am still doing a lot of the same wrong shit which got me in the mess to begin with. I sure dont want another jhatka to help me come to my senses. In the coming months I'm gonna focus much more on moving towards a healthier lifestyle.

I also spent a lot of time thinking about all the superficial meaningless stuff that I spent so much time bothering about. 'High stress levels' was the one common point all docs seem to agree upon. It seemed so funny. I have a good life, really nothing to complain about. Fantastic family, great friends, decent earning, all comforts, etc etc. And yet I was stressed out. So if I already have all the things that really matter, what was I running after?

My bro told me I had lost all my joyfulness and playfulness that I had when I was younger. Somewhere down the line I had become too serious, too uptight, wound up, maybe even angry. I had convinced myself that I had a lot of responsibilities to shoulder and things to prove. And this was not unique. We see this so often amongst our friends and colleagues. Perhaps we're taking life too seriously. Far too seriously. Quasi and Rashmi helped me a lot in getting out of this mindset. I still have a long way to go, but I'm so visibly more relaxed and happy now. A lot has changed and I'm thankful to Q and R. I'm really having fun now!! :-)

Anyways, I wrote this in Oct 2007 during my lowest point mentally and physically, which is why it is kinda extra-cynical. :-) Just wanted to share the thought with you, though... All said and done, cant help feeling that sales is quite enjoyable, to a point, and a nice deal cracked does give a fantastic kick! :-)

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Confessions of a sales-guy....

Well this is gonna be quite an exercise
On whether i can still rhyme; or otherwise!

My rythms all rusted and wit unused
Creativity has just been a word abused

For i spend it all on client meetings
On instant smiles and beamed-out greetings

"Sir you really have a beautiful office!"
or "Our competition can never ever top this!"

I talk about a beautiful long-term relation
While trying not to work out the SIP calculation :-)

"Ha Ha! Sir that was a really good one!"
& "more benefits? why not! consider it done..."

Constant agreements and contrived pleasantries
Smile on the face; both eyes on the proc fees

We're selling to the clients & then selling to credit
We're selling to the boss, "look how i did it!"

Sitting at home, watching television
While the brains churning out a pipeline revision

Instead of pretty ladies with bodies perfected
My dreams are now full of all clients prospected

Amid songs of collateral values and ageing of debtors
I'm down on my knees proposing with sanction letters!

In this chasing of numbers, this whole wild rush
Am i forgetting myself a wee bit too much?

Chill out, old buddy! You've a long way to go!
Whats the point of a great act if you dont last the show???

So i'm gonna sit more often with my pen and my paper
And try to put together, a song or a caper

I've no idea whether i'll be able to write
But with some beer and some music, i just possibly might! :-)

- Vivek Rao

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