I started wondering about what could have made this dude get more nourishment than the other fellas surrounding it. Was it simply a freak of nature? Or had it effectively scared the others into passing on stuff? Like how in prison the non-maggot-infested pieces of meat find their way to the don-in-residence?
It looked beautiful...dark silky smooth and slender...like halle berry. But wait, it stood proudly erect, demanding a more masculine comparison...so...Oprah? Anyways, as i caressed him lovingly it struck me that surely there was money in this somewhere! Wasn't this like a sign from heaven signalling that my hardships had come to an end? I mean, with the right care, Iqbal (u can see i'm getting really attached here) could just go on growing to humongous proportions. Surely the media would catch on at some time! Isn't everything "viral" these days?
I could be on talk shows and advertisements!
I could charge to just flick it out (still talking about the hair) for a few seconds to an eager audience!
The Sardar community would felicitate me in a function where Hard Kaur would perform!
I could become the new brand ambassador for Parachute hair oil!
Maybe (hair) follicle would become the new f-word!
If i just let it hang out of my sleeve, it would be an instant chick magnet!
Maybe millions for the rights to a movie starring Hugh Jackman! Yeah sure, the dimensions of his arm and mine are a little different, but hey, if Sameera Reddy can appear busty on screen....
But then a few worries hit me. Would storage be a problem? Would it flow on in a glorious straight line, or would it curl up on itself and resemble one giant pube? Would it start turning grey like most of the hair on my head?
So i shampoo'd, conditioned, oiled and combed him thrice a day, and started practising my autograph. But when i woke up today, he was gone. I haven't even been able to find him anywhere on the bed. Everything is looking so bleak now. Its like a huge cavity has suddenly opened up inside me. I stand in front of the mirror shirtless, looking at my now pathetic arm, wondering how i'll pick up the pieces. But hey whats this? Is the areola around my left nipple turning heart shaped??? Yes it is! Fuckkin A!!! Hollywood, here i come!