Tuesday, November 09, 2010

How snoring can be sexy

My brother is visiting for a few days for diwali, and it happens that i have been sleeping in the same room as him for the last couple of nights.  Now when he snores, its like a concrete drill going off beside your head.  I'm not kidding.  In fact all those construction people who find night time too peaceful for sleep after a hard day at the site, would sleep snugly in his embrace.

That by itself would be okay.  I'm sure i would be less affected by a monotonous sound after a while.  But bro's main feature is the sudden explosive snort he lets out every few minutes or so.  Maybe a little bit of air keeps getting trapped in his nostrils during every snore, creating a high pressure zone which then explodes at some tipping point.  I jumped up and wildly looked around the first few times this happened.  There were ripples in the water in my bedside glass, like in jurassic park...

But this is not what this post is all about.  The funny thing is what this did to my mind later in the night.

A large part of the first night i dreamt of being chased all around pune by a drunk rhinocerous.  Seriously.  He kept making this harsh drilling sound with his teeth and snorted hard whenever he almost managed to get me by the pants.  So basically my mind interpreted the surrounding night sounds and recreated the reasonably closest scenario it could remember from nature (or rather from all the hours of watching national geographic).  Now rhinos can be pardoned for making such sounds.  Having to run around pune's narrow lanes with that big ass....and if i had that thing growing on my nose, i'd snort a few times too!

But the next night was completely different.  I dreamt that i bumped into this skanky young woman at a pub, who for some reason wanted me bad.  We had some baked bean tacos and some beer and then headed home.  She opened her purse and showed me this giant naughty battery operated toy she carried around (which featured in that yash chopra flick 'dildo pagal hai') and i immediately understood this was gonna be a super night!

What happened after that is not relevant in this post.

So if i get it right, this time my brain had had time to adapt, pitied me, understood my need for some happy-time, and essentially converted this unfavorable sound stimuli into....er.....a loud vibrator pitching in for a threesome!  Now isn't that just awesome!  Screw dogs, i think the brain is mans best friend!!!

Some of you might think that the explosive snorts were probably explained by the result of all those baked beans....but i would appreciate if you old farts don't point that out to me.

Gotta go now, he is just about to sleep.  I have to be in dreamland by the time the water in my glass starts rippling.


quasibaba said...


quasibaba said...

I dont snore that bad. You daughter slept peacefully next to me. She feels the love behind those snores.

Vivek Rao said...

she was probably too scared to wake up!

Nona said...

:) Funny!

Archana Rao said...

I totally understand how it is to sleep with someone who snores!
And everyone who snores and creates trouble for others always denies it when he wakes up!
I loved the comparison with rhino!!!!

Ashish said...


Now boozy, don't blame all this on your bro's snores. Honestly, have you been smoking up before bedtime these days? And if so, can I get some of the merchandise? Seems like quality shit.

I'm serious man, coz skanky young women at pubs reject me even in my dreams ;-)

Granger Gab said...

I empathize Vivek :))) I experience the snoring bit everyday but no dreams as yours!

Vivek Rao said...

@ Nona: thanks!

@ Chan / Minal: So both of you experience snoring from your lesser halves, but do you also get to hear the occasional explosions??? Those make all the difference. People stay beside airports too, and somehow their minds adapt and block out that incessant droning sound, but what would happen to those very people if an aeroplane kept bursting into flames every hour or so???????????

@ Minal: Good you dont get those kinda dreams. I wonder what you would do with a skank... :)

Vivek Rao said...

@ boozy: hahaha
i wish it was dope man!

And in your dreams u should be able to make anyone do anything dude! Thats the killer part. Remember even good ol' Martin once said "I have a dream"...

You should try sleeping between bro and Vaibhav for a couple of nights yaar, if you want to experience what i've written about. But remember to discourage the naughty stuff, else the mental scarring wont be worth any number of skanks.


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