Sunday, November 14, 2010

The perfect girlfriend

Read another funny article in Times of India: Perfect girlfriend has a big sex drive!

Not very insightful, i thought at first.  Dont we all know that already?  In fact guys are like dogs in that matter.  Women need the right ambiance, mood and reason to have sex.  Men just need a partner, and then they are ready to go.  Anytime.  Any place.

But reading further i was really amused by the kind of things listed by the 3000 bachelors who were polled for the study. There are a lot of interesting contraditions like
- thin, but able to eat a big meal
- career minded, but should want to stay at home and raise kids
etc.  But the funniest thing is this whole study itself is a contradiction to how men are.

Women get really pissed upon reading stuff like this, but they should understand that men just fantasize about this kinda shit.  Usually they are more than willing to settle for anything female that puts out, but doesn't bark, neigh or moo.

(Women are really really choosy about their mates, but many of them often end up with such amazing samples amongst us males, that they end up wishing for something that could bark, neigh or moo.  C'est la vie...)

Coming back to the article, I dont agree with some of the polled results:
- ability to eat a big meal (guys, how does that matter?)
- be ready to go out in ten mins (let her take her time, she's decking up for you, and you get some quality tv time while waiting)
- long hair (have you ever read any story in playboy/penthouse focussing solely on the long hair???)
- pert bottom (shouldn't that be expanded to "well endowed, good figure")

Yeah, there is some good shit there too, but thats all okay for flings.  I usually advise more caution while marrying.  Thats long term committment.  I would look for additional stuff like:
- an awesome inheritance
- 3 slutty sisters (you'd ask why only 3, but i just dont wanna be greedy)
- super deep sleep (she shouldn't wake up even if i was jumping around in bed beside her, with/without someone)
- an absolutely innocent and trusting mind
- speciality in massage therapy
- interest in bedtime experimentation (sometimes even inviting one of the slutty sisters)
- cocktail mixing and chakna making skills

There, you have the recipe for a good, long lasting marriage.


Harish P I said...

my uncle has taken responsibility to look for a suiting bride for me. now i am thinking of a right way to incorporate your list into my req list.

Vivek Rao said...

hahaha best of luck with that!

get him drunk while you explain all the intricacies of this list.

or what might help is the approach taken in the "chudiyon ki dukaan" scene in my alltime fav comedy andaaz apna apna.

Anonymous said...

I think if your wifey reads this you may have to sleep on the sofa and do "jumping around" :)

Rashmi said...

thank god - my cousins are either too old or too young..! good chakna n booze making skills - sure.. i learnt that from you ....
& u inherited my awessome family..

interesting read..! hmm.. we need to talk..!

Vivek Rao said...

@ anonymous: hehehe
can you identify yourself pls?

Vivek Rao said...

@ rashmi: :-( yeah, i should have first checked for the stats of other young female members in ur family....practice what you preach!

booze making skills? baby u never told me you make booze! i've always wanted to put up a micro brewery! yoohoo!!!

you're right, your family is just awesome! (puke, puke) hahaha

glad you found it i in trouble???

Granger Gab said...

I admire your guts to write this knowing very well that your wife reads ur blog!!! All the best!!! :)))

Rashmi said...

samjha karo... booze making matlab cocktail mixing... That tulleho session that we were supposed to do together is still pending... no.. not in trouble yet.. but be careful what you write.. i read your blog.. heheee.. :-)

@ minal - see, this is the true guru killi for a successful marriage.. let your wife be under the illusion that she is in control of things...

Archana Rao said...

I love the pointers u hav written for marriage.

Ability to eat big meals!? Heheheheh

Just want to know how many of these pointers did rashmi qualify on for u to get married to her???

Vivek Rao said...

I was happy enough that i'd finally met a girl who actually wanted to get married to me!

Ashish said...

From the women I know, NONE have any of these qualities. Well, the 5th and 6th points from your list, I won't know.

And, just to keep things gender balanced, NONE of the guys I know have any of these qualities.

Therefore, there is no such thing as a good, long lasting marriage ;-)

Vivek Rao said...

yeah, these are all the wishful thinking waala qualities...

Unmesh said...

speciality in massage therapy huh?!